


Is This a Joke? It Hits You Like a Train...

by prettycheese21



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Based on a True Story, Catharsis, Depression, Especially for me, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Parent Tony Stark, Reader-Insert, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettycheese21/pseuds/prettycheese21
Summary: (Y/N) gets the news of Tony's death. It goes as well as can be expected...
Relationships: Avengers Team & Reader, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Reader
Kudos: 14





	Is This a Joke? It Hits You Like a Train...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, all. It's been a hot minute since I've posted. Life got crazy. More details in the end notes if you'd like to know (as a trigger warning of sorts). Anyway, this was a cathartic piece for me and is pretty stream of consciousness-y. Let me know what you think. I might add more as I deal with more of my feelings.  
> Fair warning: it's really depressing lol  
> Thanks!

You jumped up from where you were reading on the couch when you heard the ship land. They were home! That meant they'd won, that the world was safe, and that things could finally get back to normal. Your family could go back to normal, and your father could finally focus on you and Morgan- his two children, the loves of his life- and his other love, Pepper. Sure, the family wasn't conventional even before you threw in the other interpersonal relationships the other Avengers provided. You were Tony's first child from a previous relationship. Pepper had basically adopted you as her own since she started as Tony's assistant. When Morgan was born, she was merely another wonderful addition to the blended family that was Stark. When the Snap happened, you couldn't really focus on much of anything. Tony had nearly died, which nearly broke you, and then finding out Peter (arguably one of your best friends) was just _gone_ finished you off. For the longest time, you were so depressed you ceased to function. It took years and the birth of Morgan to pull you back together again.

When Tony had jumped back into things and decided to save the world, restore it all to what it had been, you had been terrified. You'd almost lost him before, and now he was risking his life again? For the longest time, you were angry with your father. You did your best to grin and bear it, promising both yourself and Pepper that you'd make it up to Tony when all this was said and done. After that, there would be plenty of time for everything. 

Running out the door, you ran to meet the group, hugging Peter first. It took a few moments for the somber mood to hit you like a punch to the stomach. You looked around for your father. When you didn't find him, the unconscious denial set in- a protective measure to stop you from dealing with whatever tragedy had happened now. "What's going on?" You needed to know, but you weren't sure you wanted to know.

"(Y/N)..." Steve wasn't sure he could break the news to you. 

"Your dad didn't make it, sweetie," Pepper said, being the strongest out of all of them in that moment. "He's dead, (Y/N). I'm so so sorry..."

Every part of you stiffened and your senses got sharper. Adrenaline and disbelief coursed through your veins. "Is this... Is this a joke?" You refused to believe anything otherwise. This was just one of your father's horrible horrible pranks. Where was the punchline? Come out, Tony! Dad! Come out!

Clint shook his head. "No, kid. I... I wish it were. Tony's gone. He saved us all-"

You ceased to hear Clint as you felt everything implode. Peter caught you as you crumpled into yourself, loud cries escaping you as you hyperventilated. "No..." This couldn't be right. This wasn't... This wasn't fair. You had so much you wanted to say to him still. You'd basically fought the last time you spoke. You hadn't even said you loved him before he left, and now he was _gone_? Just gone?! You couldn't comprehend it. It was too painful, yet also not painful enough. You didn't understand what your body was doing in this moment, not even realizing that Peter had sat you both in the grass and cradled you in his hold. He was crying too, though he kept his grief silent. It wasn't his time to grieve any more, he thought. It was your turn. "He can't be gone. I... Not after all... all that..." 

Pepper came and sat down on your other side. "I know, sweetie. I know." It wasn't fair, her tone said. It wasn't fair that Tony had gone through all of that only to die in that way. Some day she'd tell you how heroic and brave Tony was, that he wanted you to know how much he loved you in his final moments. But that day wasn't today. Today was the time for processing- or the beginnings of it.

Tony was the only family you had for the longest time. He was your best friend before you even knew what the term meant. Sure, he'd had his moments of utter douche-baggery and he'd hurt you many _many_ times during his road to recovery, but he loved you and you loved him. What were you going to do now that the world was missing him? That led you to your next problem: How did you tell Morgan that her father was dead? That thought sent you into yet another round of intense sobbing. 

This couldn't be happening. 

*****

The day after was surreal. It took you a moment to realize what had happened the day before, and you were right back in that pit of despair. At least now you weren't curled up in a corner sobbing. You were able to function (to a certain extent). Everything was a blur leading up to the funeral. You made it your duty to make sure your mother (because that's what Pepper was to you now) and sister got through this okay. It was only when Happy had asked you what you wanted for lunch that you realized how hungry you were. In your haze, you'd forgotten to eat for nearly four days. When you couldn't decide, Morgan did for both of you: cheeseburgers. This made you cry yet again, though you kept most of the reaction quiet as you held your sister close. Happy was more than willing to go and get you both cheeseburgers; he couldn't bring Tony back to you, but he could at least get you a decent burger. Just like the kind Tony had requested when he returned from his time in captivity. 

Saying goodbye to something that clearly wasn't Tony hurt more than anything else. Every other member of your family (i.e. the Avengers) had gotten to say a final farewell to his body while in space, but you? You got nothing. These selfish feelings swirled inside you, and you forced them down. Today wasn't about you... was it? What was today even about other than being sad with a bunch of people you didn't particularly want to see? When they sent his memorial off into the lake, silent tears streamed down your cheeks. There was this hollow feeling in your chest, the part where your memories of Tony used to reside. All it was now was a painful mass that ached even more when it was agitated- when you remembered. Was this feeling going to be with you forever? Were you always going to be this empty inside? Would this ever end?

You didn't know, and that thought terrified you. You wondered if this emptiness and lack of knowledge were how Tony felt when he was stuck alone in space, slowly starving to death. If it were, maybe this feeling was your way of staying connected with him. Maybe being this sad was your new purpose in life. People had always said you were like your father in so many ways, especially emotionally. Maybe you were being primed to take his place in the family: his place as protector and overall rock for those he cared about. It would come at a great cost, you knew. You'd ignore your own needs and feelings until they consumed you, killed you. But what did you have to lose now? Tony was gone. Your family needed someone. You may not have been as smart as your father, but this math was simple enough. You were to take care of everyone until you died- just as he did. 

You could do this for him. You wouldn't fail him again.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, my life got insane. My mom died near the end of last October (2019) and I've been trying to keep up with school and handle family drama on top of all that. As you can probably tell, this piece was a cathartic experience for me- letting me work through how I felt in the moments following the news of my mom's passing.   
> Let me know if I should (or shouldn't) post more like this.   
> Hopefully I'll have more time to respond now that we're all quarantined.


End file.
